How Christ Changes Lives - Book by Dr. Robert Kellemen

Just recently, I received a copy of Dr. Bob Kellemen's new book called Gospel-Centered Counseling: How Christ Changes Lives. I was so thankful to receive this book in the mail from Zondervan publishing. I look forward to having this as an ongoing resource for my counseling ministry. I am thankful for Dr. Kellemen's ministry and am pleased to post a few things about Dr. Kellemen and insights from his book over the next few months.

CLARUS 2013

Just a few more days until Desert Springs Church's annual theology conference called Clarus. The conference is completely sold out, but the sessions will be available in audio form on the church's website shortly after the conference. I am very excited for this conference and looking forward to sitting under the teaching of our very qualified speakers, Paul Tripp and Timothy Lane.

Clarus

Here is how DSC’s teaching elder, Pastor Ryan Kelly, explains what Clarus is:

Since 2005 Desert Springs Church (DSC) has held an annual conference weekend with a guest speaker and a focused topic. In 2008 we started giving it a name, Clarus—which is Latin for bright, clear, or radiant. We think that word aptly reflects our intentions with this conference: that God and His truth would be made more clear, more radiant to us, and more powerfully penetrating in us. To that end we set aside a full weekend every year for fellowship, singing, prayer, and instruction about God’s words and ways. In 2011, Clarus became a Regional Conference of The Gospel Coalition.

Clarus 2013

Ryan introduces this year’s theme:

God’s plan for our redemption is not merely to reconcile us to Himself, but to point us to those who share this reconciliation, the church. In Christ, Christians become part of a new family.

. . .Roughly 50 times the New Testament tells Christians to do something one to another. We sometimes refer to these as the one-anothers—e.g., love one another, serve one another, pray for one another, stir up one another, encourage one another, sing to one another, etc. Such commands simply cannot be done alone. We need partners. We need a partnership—which is really what “fellowship” is.

. . .To that end, we Christians meet regularly for worship and teaching; we read the Scriptures and pray, alone and in our families; we read good books and recommend them to others; we keep working at these relationships and our ministry to each other.

Dr. Tripp and Dr. Lane are not addressing a subject reserved for vocational ministers or even those involved in formal biblical counseling. They are addressing Christians with God’s Word concerning a most basic aspect of Christian discipleship: speaking the truth in love.

As Christians, we are to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ (2 Peter 3:18), and we are to also grow together (Ephesians 4:15-16). We do not do this perfectly because we are sinful people in need of a Savior. We hurt those that we love the most; we isolate ourselves from others because we don’t want our hearts exposed; we may put on a “good face” when we are around others, but inside we are in utter turmoil; we worship our own kingdoms. Without living in true Christ-centered biblical community, we will wallow in our failures and sins and live as those who have no hope.

But, of course, God calls us to something greater. He calls us to Himself! He calls us through the truth of the gospel, the hope of lasting change and the grace of God. In tune with Matthew 6:33, we seek His kingdom and His righteousness and in so doing, Jesus knits His church together because we are seeking after Him, not our own interests. He exposes our hearts and our sin for the good of His children and for the glory of God. We then let others in because we see that we need Jesus and each other. As Dr. Tripp and Dr. Lane remind us, “change is a community project.”

At DSC, we have been greatly helped by Dr. Tripp and Dr. Lane’s resources.How People Change and Instruments In the Redeemer’s Hands have been used here to train our membership in biblical counseling. This fall, our Community Groups worked through Paul Tripp’s marriage DVD series, What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage.

On a personal note, as a lay-biblical counselor at DSC, I am very excited to be part of a church that upholds the primacy of the Word in the pulpit, but also as central to the life of every Christian. And I’m thankful for this annual conference and the blessing that it has been to our church. Having Dr. Lane and Dr. Tripp teach will serve as an invaluable resource and encouragement, not only for the DSC family, but also for those from around the Southwest region who will join us. My hope is that this conference will remind us of our great need of Jesus both individually but also corporately. Christ is indeed the head of his church. By God’s grace, we are praying for the church in the Southwest region to be encouraged in the all-important work of one-anothering the Word.

For more information on this year’s conference, including talk titles and registration, visit clarusabq.com.

And I Am Helped...

This morning, I was reading in the Psalms and was greatly encouraged by Psalm 28:6,7.  I am so thankful to God for having the Psalms written down for us to be able to read about the heart of hurting people before Him.  God, in His perfect patience and mercy, knows that we are needy people, but He doesn't just leave us 'needy'.  Psalm 28:6,7 says, "Blessed be the Lord! for He has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy.  The Lord is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to Him."  In Him, David's heart trusted and in Him, David was helped.  I believe that this is true for us today.  In Him our hearts can trust because He is so worthy of trust.  In Him we are helped, because He is the only One who really can help.

Matthew Henry puts it this way in his commentary on Psalm 28:

II. He encourages himself to hope in God for the perfecting of every thing that concerned him. Having given to God the glory of his grace (v. 6), he is humbly bold to take the comfort of it, v. 7. This is the method of attaining peace: let us begin with praise that is attainable. Let us first bless God and then bless ourselves. Observe, 1. His dependence upon God: "The Lord is my strength, to support me, and carry me on, through all my services and sufferings. He is my shield, to protect me from all the malicious designs of my enemies against me. I have chosen him to be so, I have always found him so, and I expect he will still be so.’’ 2. His experience of the benefits of that dependence: "My heart trusted in him, and in his power and promise; and it has not been in vain to do so, for I am helped, I have been often helped; not only God has given to me, in his due time, the help I trusted to him for, but my very trusting in him has helped me, in the mean time, and kept me from fainting.’’ Ps. 27:13. The very actings of faith are present aids to a dropping spirit, and often help it at a dead lift. 3. His improvement of this experience. (1.) He had the pleasure of it: Therefore my heart greatly rejoices. The joy of a believer is seated in the heart, while, in the laughter of the fool, the heart is sorrowful. It is great joy, joy unspeakable and full of glory. The heart that truly believes shall in due time greatly rejoice; it is joy and peace in believing that we are to expect. (2.) God shall have the praise of it: when my heart greatly rejoices, with my song will I praise him. This must we express our gratitude; it is the least we can do; and others will hereby be invited and encouraged to trust in him too.

I like how Matthew Henry says that 'not only God has given to me, in his due time, the help I trusted to him for, but my very trusting in him has helped me, in the mean time, and kept me from fainting.'  How many of us today feel like 'fainting?'  How many of us have regrets from 2011?  How many of us have set new year's resolutions to do better this year?  With all the things that we are facing this coming year, are we taking those to the Lord, or are we just trying to make it through another year with minimal damage?  David in this Psalm is encouraging himself to look to the Lord when trouble comes.  He is reminding himself that God is his strength and shield and that God is the One who helps. 

And this is true for us all today.  If you are wondering where and when help will come for your weary soul, draw near to the Lord and He will draw near to you.  Remember Psalm 28 as well as Psalm 120:1,2 "I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth." I am convinced that one of the main reasons we all feel like 'fainting' or weary and that God feels distant is directly related to the amount of time we spend with the Lord in prayer and Bible study.  Just as Jesus taught us in John 15:5, " I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing."  When we don't spend consistent time with the Lord in prayer and Bible study, it is like we are cut off from the vine.  Our hearts can wither and feel dry because our life blood has been slowed.  Now, I am not talking about salvation.  He who is a believer in Christ and has asked Him to be his Lord and Savior has been permenantly attached to the Vine, Christ, and will never be cut off.  Also, the true believer cannot be cut off from the Vine due to how they are feeling or their sin (Romans 8:38,39).  Most times, when we are not consistently spending time in God's Word, the truth, we are tempted to allow our feelings to dictate our responses to life and circumstances.  Therefore, a question arises, how well do we 'know' the Lord?  How well do I know Tim Tebow?  I know of him, but I don't know him.  Getting to know someone deeply requires lots of time with that person and lots of giving of ourselves to that person, whether they are a spouse, a friend or family member.  We don't just wake up and really know someone we've just met.  I desire to 'know' God and not just know 'of' Him.  In His grace, He had His Word written down for us to be able to get to know Him better. 

This year, may we resolve to further deepen our fellowship with the Lord Jesus Christ by trusting Him to help us be more consistent in our walks with Him.  We just might find that things that felt insurmountable in our lives aren't that big of a deal after all.  They may still hurt and suffering may continue, but our responses to these will be grounded in the truth of who Christ is and who we are in Him instead of how we are feeling.  Feelings are deceiving, but God's Word stands forever true!

Biblical Counseling and Community Groups

The following is part 5 of this 6-part series on the relationship between biblical counseling and small groups that the Biblical Counseling Coalition is doing.  You can find all 5 blogs about this at Grace and Truth Blog.  Part 5 gives us a great example of what training small group leaders in biblical counseling can produce.  Desert Springs Church also believes that the Community Groups are the frontlines ministry of the church and will ultimately become the lifeblood of the church.  With this vision, equipping the leaders in biblical counseling makes perfect sense because the leaders are the first point of contact with the majority of DSC's members.  What a great place to start helping the hurting and loving on them as they see God transform their lives!  As DSC seeks to equip these leaders, not only in biblical counseling, but in leadership and discipleship, our hope is that the our members would be greatly strengthened and encouraged in the Word. 

Frontline Ministry

How much effort should we put in helping small group leaders be equipped in biblical counseling? That’s an excellent question. Here at Harvest Bible Chapel (HBC) we think it is a no brainer. In fact, churches that equip their small group leaders as front line biblical counselors are leading the way in transformational ministry.
I just finished training some amazing Small Group Leaders (SGLs) and Flock Leaders (FLs) at HBC in Chicago (FLs have 6-10 Small Group Leaders and groups under their care). We see the Small Group Ministry as the front lines for Biblical Soul Care (BSC) which is what we call our full-orbed counseling ministry. SGLs are the first responders to the hurting in our church.

Levels of Training

We have four levels of training at Harvest. The first level is for anyone who wants to be more intentional as a disciple and advocate for others by living out the “one anothers” of Scripture.
Level 2 training is for SGLs and we equip them with four critical skills and over twenty tools to assess, target, and counsel at the heart level. As the leaders went through the training they were deeply moved and encouraged as the paradigm of an expert versus an advocate model of care, and privacy versus community in counseling were challenged. Often more applied and impacting counseling happens in real-life scenarios like in small groups.
The idea of a church counseling ministry without equipping the small group leaders is just plain thinking hard—not smart. Small groups are the preventive arm of biblical soul care. They are the ground troops in a full assault on sin and suffering.

Components of Blended Training

As we went through the skills training, we provided what we call “what-if scenarios.” The 70-some participants came alive as they identified and traced fruit issues to the root level. Their confidence in God’s Word increased and their skill in applying the Word with truth and grace grew.
We also taught them about how to assess group maturity and how to move from superficial, authentic, transparent, to vulnerable. We set the bar at “uncommon community.” They were pumped because God sets that bar for us and they were learning what it looks like to attain it as Christ and the Gospel gains a central place in all we do.
SGLs were hungry to be taught the fundamentals of biblical soul care. They wanted to be better care-givers. We defined their role as facilitator, discipler, and counselor rolled into one. The high-impact SGL goes deep. He or she listens, observes, calls out, and encourages the group.
The intimidation factor of “who am I to tell them” started to melt as we went through the “one anothers” of Scripture together. We discussed humility, bearing each others’ burdens, and the tension and blend of truth and grace.
The SGLs had to take an inventory of their own integrity and walk as well as that of their group. We created a safe place to soberly consider closing the gap between our spoken theology and our lived theology. It was, in a word, beautiful.

Testimonials

Here are a few testimonies we’ve received:

• “Now I know what a healthy SG looks like.”
• “This should be a requirement for all SGLs.”
• “I am applying heart revealing questions and our group is already more transparent.”
• “I am overwhelmed, in a good way. I will spend the rest of my life learning and applying these teachings.”

I cannot overstate the importance of equipping small group leaders in biblical soul care and counseling. We are not a church with a counseling staff, or a counseling center. We are becoming a church of biblical soul care counselors.

Join the Conversation

How would your small group ministry be impacted if all your leaders were also trained in biblical soul care counseling?

Is Comfort Really Comforting?

We have all done this.  We all have stories about this.  When we have tried to offer comfort to those who are in need and/or suffering.  What do we say?  How do we offer comfort?  We are called to bear one another's burdens (Gal. 6:2), and to care for those who are in need (1 Thess. 5:14), so we come alongside them and try our best, by God's grace.  Sometimes, that comfort and care isn't received as we intended it and that can make us uncomfortable to care for someone again.  Dr. Amy Baker gives us some wisdom about some different categories of comfort and how we can respond when we are given or receive that comfort.  God is good and sovereign.  His plan for His children isn't destroyed by our mistakes, and it isn't enhanced by our victories.  God is God.  He uses us in His plan, but His plan doesn't depend on what we do or not do, say or not say.  Praise God for that!



When Comfort Isn't Comfort - Part 1

Second Corinthians 1:3-4 proclaims that God comforts us in all our troubles and then instructs us to comfort others. Receiving comfort from our brothers and sisters should be a source of great encouragement to us however, many of us have had just the opposite experience. Words intended by our brothers and sisters in Christ to strengthen us, haven’t encouraged us at all, instead, our burden has increased.

Think of some of the comfort you’ve heard offered to someone in trial. “It could be worse.” “God needed him more than you.” “I’m praying for you.” “I know the right person is out there for you somewhere, just be patient.” “When I finally stopped wanting _______ [you fill in the blank], that’s when God gave it to me.” “It’s not as bad as…” “You need to repent of your sin and then you’ll be healed.” “God is faithful, He won’t give you more than you can handle.” “My brother-in-law’s cousin went to a clinic in _______ [you fill in the blank] and she got well. I’ll find out the name of the clinic for you.” “If you just have enough faith, your trial will go away.” “Trust God, He works everything together for good.”
God is the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort (2 Cor. 1:3), but not all the comfort we get (or give) is genuine comfort. Therefore, it’s helpful to distinguish which kind of comfort we have received when others offer solace to us.
I would like to suggest that splitting comfort into 3 different categories can help us respond to comfort appropriately.

Category 1: False comfort.

False comfort seems to make assumptions such as:

• Comfort is found in better circumstances.
• Comfort is found in anticipating a lessening of pain or the end of the trial.
• Comfort is found in the knowledge that things could be worse than they are.
• If I understand ‘why,’ the trial won’t be as painful.

The goal of false comfort is to make you feel better or to make painful feelings go away.
Examples of false comfort might include: “It could be worse.” “God needed him more than you.” “I know the right person is out there for you somewhere, just be patient.” “It’s not as bad as…” “My brother-in-law’s cousin went to a clinic in _______ [you fill in the blank] and she got well. I’ll find out the name of the clinic for you.”
Although on some occasions false comfort may temporarily lift our burden, false comfort falls far short of genuine comfort. In many cases, false comfort fails to provide any comfort at all, and in some situations, false comfort increases the burden of suffering. False comfort is not truly comforting.

Category 2: The comfort of Job’s comforters.

Job’s comforters believe that suffering is a result of personal sin. Thus, if you will repent of your sin, your suffering will end.
Job’s comforters seem to make assumptions such as:

• Bad things only happen as a result of wrongdoing.
• If you do right, nothing bad will happen to you.
• Doing righteous works will result in an improved situation. God can be controlled by righteous works.
• Figure out what you did wrong, repent, and the suffering will end.

Examples of comfort from Job’s comforters might include: “When I finally stopped wanting _______ [you fill in the blank], that’s when God gave it to me.” “You need to repent of your sin and then you’ll be healed.” “If you just have enough faith, your trial will go away.”
While some of what Job’s comforters say may be true, it is certainly not true in all situations for all people. Additionally, it seems that Job’s comforters have the same goal as those who offer false comfort – hope is found in the trial or pain being removed. As with category 1, the comfort of Job’s comforters is not truly comforting.
I would propose that comfort given with the goal of simply removing pain, while spoken out of genuine kindness, is nevertheless inferior to the comfort our loving Savior would like for us to offer. My reasons for believing such comfort to be inferior are because 2 Corinthians 1 would lead me to conclude that genuine comfort is intended to strengthen us to endure (vs. 6) and equip us to praise God (vs. 3). Comfort intended to do this would be my third category of comfort. I’ll explore this more in my next post. Ironically however, even when we receive genuine comfort we sometimes fail to be comforted. Also in my next post I’ll explore why even genuine comfort sometimes isn’t comforting.

When Comfort Isn't Comforting - Part 2

In my last post (When Comfort Isn’t Comforting, Part 1), I explored two kinds of comfort which I believe are not truly comforting. Today I want to investigate why even genuine comfort fails to comfort as it should. As I said in my previous post, 2 Corinthians would lead me to conclude that genuine comfort is intended to strengthen us to endure (vs. 6) and equip us to praise God (vs. 3). This brings me to my third category of comfort – genuine comfort.

Category 3: Genuine comfort.

From 2 Cor. 1:3-12 it seems to me that genuine comfort includes things such as:

• Encouraging others to godly endurance (vs. 6).
• Encouraging reliance on God (vs. 9).
• Entering the trial with the sufferer by praying for God’s gracious favor for the sufferer (vs. 11).
• Encouraging the sufferer to remember God’s power being applied for the good of the sufferer (vs. 9).
• Encouraging the sufferer to trust in God for deliverance (vs. 10).

The result of genuine comfort should equip the sufferer to praise God.
Examples of genuine comfort might include: “I’m praying for you.” “God is faithful, He won’t give you more than you can handle.” “Trust God, He works everything together for good.”
Ironically, even when we receive genuine comfort we sometimes fail to be comforted. On such occasions we may reason that the comforter “just doesn’t understand” or that “he’s never been through what we’re going through.”
Certainly, others can be insensitive in their use of God’s word (as can we). Certainly others can offer comfort in a wrong way (as can we). So, we need to understand that there are different kinds of comfort, but at the same time, let’s be careful not to refuse comfort when we should accept it.
God clearly intended for others to be able to offer us comfort even if they have never gone through the suffering we are experiencing. Notice that in 1 Cor. 1:4 we’re told to comfort others in any trouble with the comfort we’ve received from God. If I have received God’s comfort in any trouble in my life, I can give genuine comfort to others. Why? Because it’s God’s comfort – not my comfort. I can comfort others in any trouble they might experience with God’s comfort.
If I’m going to be honest here, I have to admit that sometimes people give me God’s comfort and I refuse to be comforted by it. Why? Perhaps God’s comfort doesn’t comfort me because in my heart all I really want is relief. But God doesn’t spell comfort, R-E-L-I-E-F. God spells comfort, C-H-R-I-S-T.
That’s the thing about suffering. When I’m not comforted by God’s comfort it may be that an idol is ruling my heart. Suffering leaves my heart naked and bare. It reveals what I’m living for. Too often when the light is shown on my heart, it finds I’m in a brothel prostituting myself with an idol I believe will do something for me.
Maybe I’ve hopped in bed with ease.
Maybe I’ve hopped in bed with control.
Maybe I’ve hopped in bed with pleasure.
Maybe I’ve hopped in bed with prestige.
And when the vice squad of suffering comes and flips on the light in my heart, what is revealed is a tawdry affair with a false god.
And as that false god is torn from my grip through suffering, I mourn. I mourn – not over having forsaken the true and living God – but that I can’t have my idol any longer. And God’s comfort doesn’t comfort, it enrages.
But as we look for God’s comfort out of a genuine love for our Savior, we can expect it to be more than enough to meet the need. God’s comfort coming to God’s people who love God’s Son is so comforting that the comfort overflows (vs. 5). Through Christ our comfort overflows (vs. 5). The comfort is so abundant that it can’t be contained.
So, how should we respond to each type of comfort? Here are my suggestions. When given false comfort, use it as an opportunity to grow in graciousness. With Job’s comforters, examine yourself and see if there is any area in which you need to repent and change. With genuine comfort, be comforted and praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort.